My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
