HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
