my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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