Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
