nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We talked him into tasing himself.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
