bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
