It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
