there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
