I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Enjoy the penises
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
