If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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