even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I touched a dick in church today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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