the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
