he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize