Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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