Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
