i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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