help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
