My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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