im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My pussy is not your playground.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
