Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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