Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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