i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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