If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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