imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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