My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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