i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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