So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
third nipple confirmed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
