jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
