hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
