So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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