I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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