Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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