she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
