So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
