I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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