so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
