I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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