I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
