I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize