The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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