I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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