He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
