Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
