wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
