Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
