i wish there were pregnant emoticons
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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