theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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