her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
