So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize