She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Randomize
