last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
