i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
