Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
