So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
