I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize