i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize