Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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