I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
