So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
