i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
