I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
