somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
