You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
