so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize