How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
