I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
