smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
